"do not be afraid to be the best version of yourself. that version where you fight for what you want. that version where you are not afraid to be great." -one tree hill.
Since I was young, I wanted to be a doctor. Growing up, becoming a veterinarian was my dream. As I got older I really fell in love with the idea of saving people's lives. I wanted to be at the top of the game as well-I wanted to be a neurosurgeon. It's what I dreamt about and imagined every step of the way in high school. I had it all planned out of where I would go to school and where I wanted to work-I was set. Then, I went into the real world. I found that when you're forced to completely evaluate yourself like that and start from scratch, you find that you're different than you thought.
Surgery is not right for me-at least not right now. I know that, I've accepted that. The hard part though, is that I have never not known what I was going to do. I've never felt so lost in someways, yet in other ways, I've never been so determined to find my place in my life. Even with that determination though, it tends to only add to the fear of never finding what I'm meant to do or where I'm meant to go.
I changed my major today-from Biology to General Studies/Humanities. I did it so I could try more areas to see where I fit but in a way, I feel a bit like I degraded myself. I know that's not true, but the feelings there nonetheless. I just know that I owe it to all of the people that have raised me into the person I am, to be the best that I can be and to find that happiness that they know I have been seeking. It's hard to put yourself first when you're so used to not putting yourself anywhere. It's hard but it's necessary and it's prudent and it's all I can think of that would show those people how much they have meant to me.
I know this all sounds like such a downer now, but there is a bright spot-a BIG bright spot. I took a chance and to me, it was one of those blind leaps of faith-it still is. I'm still falling. But, I do have people around me that have inspired me that's it's worth it-all the fear, uncertainty, the unknown. They've shown me that it's all worth it in the end because without the risks, you wouldn't get anywhere and you really wouldn't have the chance to see what you're made of and who you are.
So, this is to you-Kim, Raquel, Liz, Ali, Elise, Megan Mary, Marion, G, Amber, Niamh, Neera, Sue, Astrid, Nicole, Andrea, Random Robin, PD, Jac, Steph, Melissa, Missa, Dani, Leon, Cody Hilaire, Kelly, Nick, Eddie, and the countless others that have inspired by example and faith in yourselves and your dreams. Thank you. :)
"...I can't really say
Why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself"
Since I was young, I wanted to be a doctor. Growing up, becoming a veterinarian was my dream. As I got older I really fell in love with the idea of saving people's lives. I wanted to be at the top of the game as well-I wanted to be a neurosurgeon. It's what I dreamt about and imagined every step of the way in high school. I had it all planned out of where I would go to school and where I wanted to work-I was set. Then, I went into the real world. I found that when you're forced to completely evaluate yourself like that and start from scratch, you find that you're different than you thought.
Surgery is not right for me-at least not right now. I know that, I've accepted that. The hard part though, is that I have never not known what I was going to do. I've never felt so lost in someways, yet in other ways, I've never been so determined to find my place in my life. Even with that determination though, it tends to only add to the fear of never finding what I'm meant to do or where I'm meant to go.
I changed my major today-from Biology to General Studies/Humanities. I did it so I could try more areas to see where I fit but in a way, I feel a bit like I degraded myself. I know that's not true, but the feelings there nonetheless. I just know that I owe it to all of the people that have raised me into the person I am, to be the best that I can be and to find that happiness that they know I have been seeking. It's hard to put yourself first when you're so used to not putting yourself anywhere. It's hard but it's necessary and it's prudent and it's all I can think of that would show those people how much they have meant to me.
I know this all sounds like such a downer now, but there is a bright spot-a BIG bright spot. I took a chance and to me, it was one of those blind leaps of faith-it still is. I'm still falling. But, I do have people around me that have inspired me that's it's worth it-all the fear, uncertainty, the unknown. They've shown me that it's all worth it in the end because without the risks, you wouldn't get anywhere and you really wouldn't have the chance to see what you're made of and who you are.
So, this is to you-Kim, Raquel, Liz, Ali, Elise, Megan Mary, Marion, G, Amber, Niamh, Neera, Sue, Astrid, Nicole, Andrea, Random Robin, PD, Jac, Steph, Melissa, Missa, Dani, Leon, Cody Hilaire, Kelly, Nick, Eddie, and the countless others that have inspired by example and faith in yourselves and your dreams. Thank you. :)
"...I can't really say
Why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself"
Honey you have not degraded yourself, not at all. Taking that blind leap of faith and following your dream instead of clinging to something that could potentially stall your journey is a brave step. You certainly have inspired me!
ReplyDelete"Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, Dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible."
-Astrid
^^ See Astrid's post. ^^
ReplyDeleteThank you for inspiring me.
Kim
You know life is what happens when you are making other plans, and if you want to give God a good laugh.. tell him those plans.
ReplyDeleteHe has a bigger picture for you, and it will all work out the way it is suppossed to in the end.
Just think.. if it weren't for some twist of fate would all of us being connected and be friends? No. Your friendship, your blog posts, and our concert are something that I look forward to more and more.
Thanks for sharing with us. If anything else we can all go to group therapy together so that we all can stand up and say "Hello, my name is **** and I am still trying to find out what to do with the rest of my life?"
I love reading your blog Becca. You are such a strong and determined girl. You take chances and make the most of the opprtunities presented in front of you. It's great.
ReplyDeleteThank YOU for being such an inspiration!
Elise xx
I don't think you degraded yourself at all, you made a brave choice, put yourself out there and you are determined. I think that is truly something great! It's amazing where inspiration can come from, and I'm finding inspiration here, thank you!
ReplyDeleteI know where you're been Becca. I went through all of high school with a plan: I wanted to be a journalist and knew exactly which university I was going to attend. The odds were against me, but I got in. And then on my first day, I knew it was not for me at all. And after a long process of "should I or shouldn't I?" I changed my major too. And I'm happy I did.
ReplyDeleteIt's not degrading yourself, it's a blind leap in the unknown and when you come out of it, knowing exactly who you are, you'll feel that much better about yourself. I'm sure it'll be exhilarating.
Best of luck!
The hardest step in a new journey is the first one. You have already done that. Live life without regrets, it will be your friend.
ReplyDeletebecca salvation I do not know you and yet you have the air and you are to be the one who know what it wants in vie.J've got 40 years and I became an entrepreneur to-date 'and yet now I am looking for a very long time, then do not fear life often leads us where we want it to believe it is very strong and especially never underestimate the love either same is often the beginning of the adventure without becoming ego centrique.J hope you will understand what I mean because my English is not very good and sometimes the translation is very bizarre
ReplyDeleteRegards
loic
Becca,
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing degrading about not exactly knowing what you want to do with life. That is honest...and real. It is better than continuing down a path you know is not the right one (at least not for now)...and being unhappy because of it.
Change is scary and I have never been a huge fan of it personally. But change can be very good, and very worth it. You say we inspire you but really for me it is the opposite. ;)
~Robin