In My Mother's Eyes...

Looking back, I realize I've written a lot about where I'm going and my fears about getting there, but I haven't really talked about where I am and what brought me to this point in my life. It's not a sad and somber story filled with gripping tragedy that pulls the heartstrings. No, it's just my story and I feel that you guys deserve to hear it.
I started college this past fall, and I started at a school about an hour and a half away from home. As I've said in my past posts, I knew the day I moved it wasn't right for me. I went ahead with it though because it was what I had wanted for years-to go and move out and be on my own, and in many ways it was what I needed. Then, about a month into the semester, I came home for the weekend and my mom told me she was retiring early. My mom is an amazing woman. She's strong and passionate and would defend me no matter what, but she's also had a hard time.

 My grandfather, her dad, died when I was in middle school after a long and painful battle with leukemia. This took a huge toll on our family. Not only was he the first person that I ever lost in my life, he was the last of my mom's biological parents. (I have a dear step-grandmother that has been in our family for years, but even so, that's not the same to any child). She took it hard, not only for the loss but because during his illness, she'd held it all in and when he was gone, there was nothing to hide from anymore. Like I said, she's been through a lot and she finally realized she needed a break. She'd seen that teaching was no longer her passion anymore and that her heart wasn't in it now. 

The day she told me, I was relieved. We've had a rocky relationship as well as I felt as if this was a turning point, and it was, it just took longer to turn than I thought. Well, time went on and she applied for retirement and all seemed well until she and my dad told me the details-that things were not going like they should for one reason or another. I knew then, that instant, that my mom needed me. I was too lost in grief myself after Granddaddy died, but I was going to stand strong with her through this. It may not sound like a big deal, but I don't want to get to into the details, so please just realize it was a struggle for us all.
I know that we're taught that we should blaze our own trail and follow our own paths, but sometimes those paths make a u-turn. I came back for her. I would never tell her that, but she needed the stability and my dad needed the encouragement. I don't regret it. I do have to say though, that she's been happier these past few months now, than I've seen her in years. She's finally finding peace that she has spent so long running from, and I know that she'll be okay the next time I leave. She's still the determined and fantastic woman she's always been, it's just finally getting to where she is realizing all life has to offer and I'm more than happy for her.
So that's the main reason I am where I started from, although I hate saying it like that, because I'm not the same person that started here. I'm stretching my limits and taking steps as big as I can to find the next road on my path. I'm finding that it comes easier with time and following whole-heartedly is difficult when you know others rely on you, but it's worthwhile when you know that they'll be okay when you go.